Project 3 draft

Sunlight filters through your curtains. The [[front door]] is through the living room. The [[bathroom]] connects to your bedroom. The handmirror is on the [[vanity]].

Are you really going to go out looking like that? [[No.->Bedroom]]

(Color:Black)[You swallow two [[diet pills]] and [[shave]] your [[legs.->Bedroom]]]

You [[look]] at the mirror. It belonged to your grandmother. You know the story.

You (text-style:"smear")[smear] [[concealer]] over your uneven skin. You frown at your appearance and turn [[away.->Bedroom 2]]

Sunlight filters through your curtains. The [[front door ->Front door 2]] is through the living room, next to the [[kitchen]]. The [[bathroom ->Bathroom 2]] connects to your bedroom. The [[hand mirror]] and your [[cell phone]] are on the [[vanity ->Vanity 3]].

Sunlight filters through your curtains. The [[front door ->Front door 3]] is through the living room. The [[bathroom ->Bathroom 3]] connects to your bedroom. Your [[laptop]] and the [[hand mirror->HM2]] are on the [[vanity. ->Vanity 2]]

Are you really going to go out looking like that? [[No.->laughing]]

(Color:Black)[You [[wince]] as you pluck your [[eyebrows.->Bedroom 2]]]

You apply [[lipstick.]] It looks [[fine.->BR3]]

(Color:yellow)[The frame surrounding the mirror consists of an interwoven [[pattern]] of gold pieces twirling and circling each other. Inside the golden maze are enamel flowers and leaves with gemstones at their center. Two handcrafted [[butterfly]] figures grace the mirror’s frame, one at the top and the other diagonal to her sister, towards the bottom of the structure.]

(Color:yellow)[The frame surrounding the mirror consists of an interwoven [[pattern->BF 2]] of gold pieces twirling and circling each other. Inside the golden maze are enamel flowers and leaves with gemstones at their center. Two handcrafted butterfly figures grace the mirror’s frame, one at the top and the other diagonal to her sister, towards the bottom of the structure. The outermost parts of their wings are the lightest of blue, while the innermost parts are a deep navy. These figures are poised in such a way as to create the illusion that the butterflies might take flight at any moment, leaving behind the intricate pattern of leaves and flowers and gold.]

(Color:yellow)[The frame surrounding the mirror consists of an interwoven pattern of gold pieces twirling and circling each other. Inside the golden maze are enamel flowers and leaves with gemstones at their center. The pattern continues into the mirror’s handle, so that at its tip there is a petite pink flower completing the image. The handle curves inward, allowing for even the most delicate, feminine hand to enfold the object with ease. Two handcrafted butterfly figures grace the mirror’s frame, one at the top and the other diagonal to her sister, towards the bottom of the structure. The outermost parts of their wings are the lightest of blue, while the innermost parts are a deep navy. These figures are poised in such a way as to create the illusion that the butterflies might take flight at any moment, leaving behind the intricate pattern of leaves and flowers and gold.] You put it [[down.->BR3]]

Remember when he saw you at the store that night when you looked like you'd just crawled out of bed? Do you remember the embarrassment you felt? The humiliation? You're not going to go out looking like that again, are you? [[No.->BR3]] [[I'm in a hurry!]]

(Color:Black)[You [[apply]] whitening strips to your teeth and go back to your [[bedroom.->BR3]]]

You look at the mirror and [[remember]] what you have tried to forget.

You mildly burn your neck while straigtening your [[hair.]] You [[sigh.->Bedroom 2]]

(font:"Impact")[Is it worth the embarrassment, ugly?] [[No.->BR3]]

(Color:yellow)[A thick layer of dust covers the object, most noticeably on the mirror itself. The sheen of the mirror is dulled, and the opulent glimmer of the gold is dimmed by the debris covering its surface. A shard slightly bigger than rim of a champagne flute is missing from top left corner of the mirror, and small cracks ripple and dance across the surface of the reflective glass. The outline of the missing piece reveals that although the shard is not large, it is jagged enough to cut through skin. Not cleanly and neatly, like a surgeon’s scalpel, but, rather, like a household pair of scissors against thick canvas – doable, but not with ease. Could it be done?] [[Certainly.]]

(font:"Impact")["Go put on some lipstick on! You look like a corpse."] Loving words from a loving mother. You apply some [[more.->dare]]

(Color:yellow)[But, unlike the mirror, it would not be elegant. To kill someone with this shard would be messy and undignified, an act of desperation. It would be ugly and brutal and difficult. But it could be done.] It hurts to remember. [[Turn away.]] [[Keep remembering.]]

Moonlight filters through your curtains. The [[front door ->Front door 4]] is through the living room. The [[bathroom ->Bathroom 4]] connects to your bedroom. The [[hand mirror->HM3]] is on the [[vanity ->Vanity 4]].

Two months passed before anyone noticed. By then the body emitted a terrible odor. Two months before a wellness check was performed on the [[crazy old lady]] who never leaves her house and keeps the curtains drawn day and night. Two months before they found everything: the rooms filled to the brim with beauty products. Filled with wrinkle cream and face masks and hair dye, with discarded undereye serum, lotion, and bottles upon bottles of foundation strewn about in piles, under the furniture, in drawers, and on shelves. Two months before her decomposing corpse was carried out of the house in a body bag as the neighbors looked on with horrified fascination from their windows.

You can't go out like that. Your mother would laugh at you. Your grandmother too. Everyone would. [[I know.->Turn away.]] ~~When was the last time you left the house?~~

Are you ready now? [[Yes.->Certainly.]] [[No.->Turn away.]]

(text-style:"shudder")[You smudge your eyeliner and break the pencil in frustration. Your tears smudge your mascara.] The burden of [[perfection.->Turn away.]]

(Color:Black)[You pour hot wax on your armpits and yank the hair out by the root. It fucking [[hurts.->wonder]] (font:"Impact")["Beauty is pain."]]

Two months passed before anyone noticed. By then the body emitted a terrible odor. Two months before a wellness check was performed on ''your grandmother'' who never leaves her house and keeps the curtains drawn day and night. Two months before they found everything: the rooms filled to the brim with beauty products. Filled with wrinkle cream and face masks and hair dye, with discarded undereye serum, lotion, and bottles upon bottles of foundation strewn about in piles, under the furniture, in drawers, and on shelves. Two months before her decomposing corpse was carried out of the house in a body bag as the neighbors looked on with horrified fascination from their windows. [[A lonely, abandoned woman.]] The police eventually let you have the mirror. You had to clean off the dried (color:red)[blood].

To you. Is this your fate? To suffer the same madness? To devote your life to the hatred of yourself? [[Yes.]] [[No.]]

[[Very well.]]

(Color:Black)[Your window is open, and a pleasant breeze glides into your home. The [[front door ->Front door 6]] is through the living room, next to [[the kitchen.]] The [[bathroom ->Bathroom 6]] connects to your bedroom. The [[hand mirror->HM5]] and your [[cell phone->Phone 2]] are on the [[vanity. ->Vanity 6]]]

(Color:yellow)[And yet, despite whatever bloodshed did or did not occur by means of the broken glass, the lush and dainty frame of the hand mirror remains. Its only flaw being the dust that blankets the object, and the ripples left by the missing piece. That the mirror is now unsuitable for use is no concern of the butterflies poised on either side of it, nor to the flowers and leaves that surround the mirror in labyrinths of gold. Beauty mourns for nothing except the loss of itself.] You are [[doomed]].

Your blinds are tightly closed. Sunlight ages one's skin, after all. The [[front door ->Front door 5]] is through the living room. The [[bathroom ->Bathroom 5]] connects to your bedroom. The [[hand mirror->HM4]] is on the [[vanity ->Vanity 5]].

You can't leave the house looking like that. You can't leave the house looking like that. You can't leave the house looking like that. (text-style:"blur")[You can't leave the house looking like that. You can't leave the house looking like that. You can't leave the house looking like that.] (text-style:"blurrier")[You can't leave the house looking like that. You can't leave the house looking like that. You can't leave the house looking like that.] [[You can't leave the house looking like that.->doomed]]

(Color:Black)[Pluck wax straighten curl shave whiten diet cry cream scream serums lotions treatments gels masks concealer home remedies soaps miracle must-have anti-aging youthful age-defying look and feel younger celebrity endorsement ageless beautiful baby’s bottom fresh out of the fucking womb but this time with sex appeal] [[Confinement.->doomed]]

You look at your reflection in the mirror. You are [[unsatisfied.->doomed]] (text-style:"fade-in-out")[It haunts you.]

primer blush eyeshadow highlighter concealer foundation mascara eyeliner lipstick lipgloss setting spray and [[dispair.->doomed]]

Are you really going to leave the house like that? [[Yes.->opening]] [[No.->okay]]

(Color:Black)[You take a soothing hot shower. You [[smile.->never]]]

You keep it as a [[reminder.]]

You put on some sunscreen. [[Safety first.->No.]]

(Color:green)[You take a deep breath and step outside. You are at peace.]

You make breakfast for youself. It's [[delicious.->No.]]

The last time you saw your grandmother - before everything happened - she told you that you looked like you were putting on weight. [[I look fine.]] [[I look fat.]]

You started shaving early. The first time you did it, you were only 10 years old but your mother said your legs looked like a man's, or, even worse, a hippie's, and that it was time for you to act your age. You cut yourself the first time you tried it and the blood flowed free and fast and (Color:red)[red] down your calf. Your mother yelled at you for getting blood on the floor. At least your legs now looked like a ~~girl's~~ woman's. How silly it seemed to remove the naturally growing hair from your body only to have it return in less than a week. But you do as you are told. You don't cut yourself when you do it this time - you've had a lot of practice. You put down the [[razor.->bathroom]]

(font:"Impact")[No you don't. [[Try harder.->bathroom]]]

You ruthlessly scrutinize your body the way your [[mother]] taught you to do. (text-style:"expand")[Stomach, arms, hips, legs.] You scowl at your reflection and [[turn away.->bathroom]]

You think of calling your mom. [[Call her.]] [[Don't bother.]]

The phone [[rings.]]

You put your phone [[down.->Bedroom 2]] It isn't worth trying.

The phone rings. And [[rings.->ring 2]]

And [[rings.->no answer]]

No answer. [[Hang up.->Bedroom 2]][[Leave a voicemail.]]

Hi mom, it's me. [[I'm doing well.]] [[I miss you.]]

Hi mom, it's me. I'm doing well. I'm great, actually. Everything is good here. I thought it might be nice to catch up, but I know you're busy. Well, I'll probably see you at Christmas. Okay, bye. [[Hang up.->Bedroom 2]]

Hi mom, it's me. I miss you. I've been thinking about what... happened with Grandma and I thought we could talk about it. I guess I've just been stressed out lately. Anyway, I know you're very busy, but call me if you want. Alright, well, I'll see you over the holidays I guess. [[Wait, one more thing.]] [[Hang up.->Bedroom 2]]

Your grandmother used to obsessively put her hair in curlers every night before she would go to sleep. You remember watching her do this on the nights that you would stay there as a child. You wonder if she still did that after she began her spiral into insanity. [[She probably did.->GM memory]]

That's okay. Take all the time that you need. [[Try again.->Front door 6]] [[Not yet.->No.]]

A long [[chat]] with an old friend. Plans to get coffee and [[catch up]] tomorrow morning. The wave of isolations slowly receeding off the shore and into the horizon. [[Connection.->No.]]

(Color:Black)[Your mother always told you to take cold showers - better for your skin and hair. You savor the feeling of the heat caressing your body like an embrace. You sing the whole time, even once you are [[drying off.->No.]]]

You do not inspect your reflection in the mirror before opening the [[door.->outside]]

She wasn't always crazy. Particular, yes, and peculiar, but the downward sprial came later. She loved you very much in her own way. Hugs and green tea and makeup tips. Watching over you when your mother couldn't be bothered. [[That's over now.->Bedroom 2]]

When you were 11, your mother stopped letting you have [[sweets]] per your grandmother's advice.

You couldn't have fried foods either because your mother said they were bad for your skin, and that they would make you even [[fatter]]. You made yourself a lot of sandwiches growing up.

You eat a piece of grapefruit and [[leave->Bedroom 2]] the room. You're hungry.

Everyone will laugh at you when you walk by, and whisper about you. You just need to [[get ready->Bedroom 2]] first. You need to look presentable.

In high school, the boys would dare each other to ask you out. In time, you got used to the [[cruelty]] of it, to the ill-concealed snickers and the teasing laughter of their friends.

The first time it happened, though, you didn't know it was a [[joke]]. The realization ripped the air out of your lungs.

You came home in tears and your mother said that if you didn't want that to happen, you should have done something about that [[rat's nest]] on your head. Then maybe you //would// have a boyfriend.

You carefully blow dry your hair the next morning, the way your grandmother taught you. It does not stop the teasing. [[You push the memory away.->stop]]

"I've got to put on my face," your [[grandmother]] would say.

The two of you used to make face masks together and apply them while listening to her old radio. Then she would let you [[play]] with some of her old make-up while she applied her creams and serums.

It was fun until you got older and noticed that she was starting to [[frown]] at her reflection more and more and wouldn't speak when she got like that.

She started frowning at you too. Then she and your mother got into a fight and you weren't allowed to go to [[grandma's house->BR3]] anymore.

You don't have to be beautiful to be [[valuable.->No.]]

Even if you don't have to go anywhere, you always put on concealer. You don't want to see your own (text-style:"blur")[blemishes,] you don't even want to acknowledge that they exist. Better to [[hide]] them, even from yourself.

We all have our ways of [[coping.->Bedroom 2]]

You struggle to explain why you've been so distant lately, but she doesn't press. Instead, she makes jokes and tells stories and you [[laugh->Phone 2]] for the first time in months.

She'll be happy to see you and she'll tell you that you look great. For the first time ever, you will [[choose->Phone 2]] to believe her.

(Color:Black)[This alone is enough to drive any woman to [[madness]].]

(Color:Black)[At least it isn't bathing suit season. A bikini wax would probably push you over the edge. You [[wince->Turn away.]] at the thought.]

Do you know if... does mental illness run in our family? Was grandma, was she, like, an isolated incident? Or not? Nothing's wrong! I've just been wondering. Okay, bye. [[Hang up.->Bedroom 2]]

The instillation of self-hatred passed from daughter to daughter to [[daughter.]]

You order a new liquid foundation that's supposed to have unbelievable results. It was the same brand that your grandmother used. Not that it did her much good in the end. You charge it to your credit card. [[Keep shopping.]] [[Close your laptop.->BR3]]

(Color:Black)[Your eyes water but you wipe at them quickly. Your mother told you that you have an ugly cry. You've tried to cry daintily, like the women in the movies, but you always end up looking splotchy and unhinged. You put away the [[tweezers.->Bedroom 2]]]

You purchase yet another weight-loss drink with guaranteed results. (mouseover-replace:"weight-loss drink")[laxative] You [[close->BR3]] your laptop.

(font:"Impact")["How are you going to get a boyfriend when you can't fit into your jeans?"] [[Good question.->Bedroom]]

Now you stare at yourself in the mirror. (text-style:"mirror")[ugly] [[You look away.->BR3]]